Happy Birthday Ang!

Happy birthday to my oldest sister, Ang! We miss you and wish we could celebrate with you but know you're having fun on your new adventures in Arizona! Here's a few of my favorite pics of us! I think one of the hardest days without Mom is my birthday. She was always the first one to call and she always loved celebrating me. She always made me feel extra special on my birthday. Even though she's not here to wish you a happy birthday and maybe you haven't heard from all those you love today for whatever reason, just know you are loved and celebrated by the Matwijecs! And even more so by the Father who formed you, who wrote your name on the palms of His hands, who counted every hair on your head. He picked this very day for you to be born. He picked the most amazing Mom for you and me and Julie. He won't ever forget this day. He won't ever forget you. You are cherished! Happy birthday big sister. I don't think your nickname "Grace" was just because your extra graceful - ha!  I think it's also become more so that you always forgive, you always give chances, you always love no matter what, you always show grace. See you soon :)

Merry Christmas from The Matwijec Family

We hope all of our friends and family have a wonderful Christmas!  My family has taken some time off of blogging.  Our old blog is still out there.  I mainly updated it with pictures and stories about our life.  But I feel like with instagram and Facebook, you already know what we are up to and you have probably seen all of my pictures since I obsessively post them throughout our day.  I wanted to start a fresh new blog about our family.  We aren't the same Matwijecs we were before my mom was diagnosed with cancer.  I don't think anyone would be after watching a loved one fight for their life and then holding their hand as they left us here on earth.  After mom was diagnosed with stage IV gastric cancer, I was angry with God.  I really questioned if He was good.  I look forward to sharing stories of how He revealed himself to me and how I came to love Him again.  Through my deepest loss I've ever experienced, He showed me great joy through His son Jesus.  He showed me I am His beloved and I am always loved!  A huge part of that was putting me in a bible study with some amazing girls!  You girls (you know who you are) walked with me (Gina literally walked with me in the rain) through dark days of losing mom and days filled with so much joy like celebrating the birth of my babies.  Mike and I both connected with a pretty amazing group of people and we are so grateful!  The other huge part of it is through our kids.  Mike and I see how much God loves us everyday through our kids.  Some days it's just looking at them and others I really hear Him speaking to us through them.  Their little voices can say the biggest things in the simplest ways.  People ask us all the time what it's like having four kids and how we do it?!  It's pretty awesome.  Obviously with four kids, we still get overwhelmed and lose our patience at times.  But at the end of the day, I rest knowing that whatever happened that day, Jesus has them.  Whatever their behavior was like, God loves them so much.  However many times I lost my patience, God loves me too.  His love is unending.  His love isn't going anywhere and it's not contingent on what we do or don't do.  He just loves us right where we are at.  Thank goodness the Lord is a better parent than I could ever be.  He's got my kids no matter what!  The purpose of our new blog is to share our life and glimpses of Jesus through our kids.  It's not a new mommy blog.  Mike will be writing on it too.  I am by no means an experienced writer or even claim to be an expert on parenting.  Let's be honest, I screw up a lot.  But I do know the answer to everything.  And it's Jesus.        

Here is a picture of my Mom, left, and Ms. Evie, right.  If you're wondering how we came up with our blog name "Under the Oak Trees,"  you have to meet Ms. Evie.  Ms. Evie went to be with Jesus about 3 years ago.  Mom met her on the first day of her chemo.  We were all pretty nervous and didn't know what to expect and Ms. Evie sat down next to Mom for her treatment and just started chatting away.  I think she was an angel here on earth.  No one noticed the chemo had started and Mom and Ms. Evie kept in touch and even had chemo on some of the same days.  I've shared her story about the old oak tree and big ole tacky earrings already with a few women we have met through our organization, Waves of Grace.  Ms. Evie told Mom, if she ever needed to talk and no one seemed to understand, find an old oak tree and sit under it and talk away.  After Ms. Evie went to heaven, our family planted an oak tree outside Mom's bedroom window.  Below are a few pictures of planting Ms. Evie's tree.  A few months later, we planted another one, Nana's tree.    

Ms. Evie's son, Ben and Mom.

Little did we know at the time we were planting those oak trees, we would one day be raising our children in the house I grew up in.  We feel incredibly grateful.  We have wonderful neighbors. Kim, you've showed up and loved on my family even when we lived 30 minutes away in College Grove. I'm ecstatic you're right around the corner from me now. You come hold my babies anytime you want. We are really enjoying our "new" home.  We are changing it up and making it our own but I feel Mom a lot in the memories swinging my kids on the front porch, cooking in the kitchen, decorating for Christmas, and wait for it.... backing out of the garage with the door not quite open.  I am turning into my mother.  In most cases, that is an amazing thing.  In driving, not so much.  

Here is Callie Monroe on her first day of kindergarten.  She is our sweet girl.  She is smart, beautiful, outgoing, and totally lives up to her nickname Nana gave her, Miss Priss.  She is loving kindergarten!  She is learning so much and making lots of new friends.  She is excelling in gymnastics.  We are proud parents!   She doesn't know it yet, but she, along with the Lord, were my saving grace after Mom passed away.  The things that came out of her mouth comforted me.  I know you're thinking she was only 3 so what could she have possibly said to keep me from breaking?  She knew Jesus died on the cross for us and now lives within us in our heart.  When I explained where Nana had gone, she was confident Nana was with Jesus in our heart.  Yes Callie girl, yes!  From singing Jeremy Camp together, to praying to Jesus "no scary dreams" as she would say, this lil one is moved by the Spirit.  As she is getting older, she is asking harder questions.  Our answer somehow always points back to Jesus.  Where was Jesus when she felt afraid?  Yes, he was right with you.  He will never leave you.  I think that is comforting her more now.  When she was younger, that used to creep her out a bit.  She actually wanted me to tell Jesus to get out of her room.  And so we did.  Ha!    

Callie loves cartwheels and she loves the beach!  Put them together and you've got a happy happy girl.  Please stop growing Miss Priss.  I want to keep you with me forever.  

Here is Cooper James before his first soccer game this year!  Mike coached his team.  That was quite the adventure.  Some games Cooper would score 6 goals and others, he would find leaves.  Cooper came home from a game and I asked how it was.  I had stayed home with the little boys for their naps.  His reply, "I found a red leaf!"  He was so excited so I just said "way to go!"  

Cooper is finishing up his second year of preschool.  He's trying his hardest to keep up with big sister and what all she is learning in kindergarten.  He is already reading.  It's crazy!  We can no longer spell S-H-I-T or any other mommy and daddy words anymore!  They sound out everything!  Cooper put on a pair of baby gap big boy undies yesterday.  It was his first time wearing baby gap brand underwear.  Mike was helping him put them on and he goes "baby gap? I am not a baby!" and seriously had a meltdown because he is not a baby but is having to wear big boy undies that say "baby gap" on them.  I know Cooper, I'd be the same way!  Cooper is Mike's mini me.  The first time I saw my little Coop, barely breathing and 5 weeks early, I thought "huh, I just did all that and he looks like Mike? Both my kids look exactly like daddy and I'm the one who just did all that work?!"  I didn't realize it yet, but that was one of the best gifts the Lord has ever given me.  Having kids that look like my husband is incredible.  I can see so much of Mike in both Callie and Cooper but more so in Cooper.  Miss Priss definitely takes after me.  But sweet, sensitive Cooper, takes after his Daddy.  He loves his Daddy too.  Wait, lets just note for the record, he loves Grandma (Mike's mom) better than anyone.  Cooper stole my heart day 1.  He's turned into such a handsome, funny, sweet, inquisitive lil guy.  He loves Jesus but most importantly he knows Jesus loves him.  

Dear Crosby David... you are quite the spark we needed in this family!  I remember telling other parents that Callie and Cooper never put stuff in their mouths and they never got into drawers and cabinets ever!  I never had to use any kind of baby proofing devices with them.  And here comes Crosby, full of life and trying everything!  I spend most of my days trying to prevent him from injury!  The kid is nonstop craziness! But he looks like me and he cuddles so I am ok with it :)  He has a gorgeous smile and the cutest curls.  He loves "Ho Ho" (santa) and he loves all food!  I just want to eat this kid up, he's so sweet!  Crosby is my miracle.  I will let Mike write about our journey with Crosby because I think it's one of his favorite stories to tell about Jesus.  But basically, I was told after I had Cooper that I shouldn't have more kids.  Cooper's birth was traumatic and I lost a lot of blood.  I even thought there was no way I could ever have more kids.  I was heartbroken because I knew Mike and I wanted a big family.  This was about the time I met my bible study girls and my friend Jill just started praying that God would heal my body and I would be able to have more kids because He knew my heart.  He knew we wanted more babies.  I cry thinking about it.  It's so beautiful.  And what's even more beautiful is that I am here saying that not only did the Lord bring Crosby safely to me, but I got to tell Mom I was pregnant with him.  I remember talking to God one night saying, "if I am supposed to have more kids, can I please please please be able to tell my Mom that I am pregnant?"  I found out I was pregnant at the end of June and came over to my parents' house to tell my Mom that another grandbaby was coming March 4th.  I sat in the kitchen, which is my kitchen now, held her hand and told her grandbaby #8 was on the way.  I thought she may be concerned or worried because she knew what I went through with Cooper, but she just smiled and it was all joy.  Her whole expression was joy.  Her health quickly declined and I remember sitting in the hospital with her and we just held hands watching tv.  No one was in the room.  She asked the due date again and I told her.  She said, "I'll be there."  And she was in spirit.  

I love this picture of Crosby!  It really shows his personality and sweet smile.  He is so fun!  

Baby Clay!!  While we weren't expecting you to come so soon after Crosby, we are so thankful that you did!  If having one miracle baby wasn't enough, the Lord blessed us with this chubby lil guy.  Not only did the Lord redeem and restore my body with Crosby, he gave us Clayton John.  Again, I will let Mike write about the births of Crosby and Clayton because he just explains it so well.  And I can't even type about it without balling my eyes out.  Clayton's birth went amazing!  He was the fullest term baby and he weighed the most.  First, shout out to the Lord for this amazing gift and second, shout out to my awesome doctor and nurses at Vanderbilt.  Baby Clay looks like me and Crosby.  

Clayton is so smiley!  He is such a joy and the easiest baby ever!  He loves to eat, sleep, and smile!  I could have 5 more kids like him.  Callie, Cooper, and Crosby love him.  We love him and are so thankful for him.  

Family vacation with four kids is no joke!  You only see three kids here because I am wearing one.  We had such a good time at the Matwijec family vacation and can't wait to see everyone again soon!  

Every once in a while, mommy and daddy get to go on date nights!  Here we are at our good friends, Kellen & Melanie's wedding.  I love Mike more than the day I married him.  He loves me and our kids so well.  But he is able to do that so well because he knows how much Jesus loves him.  He's my best friend.  He's an awesome dad, awesome husband, awesome son, brother, and friend.  He's held me together more times than I can count.  He's held me crying till I've fallen asleep.  He believes in me. He is my dream guy and I can't wait to see what we get into next?!  Maybe another baby?!  Kidding, not kidding!

Sometimes we head over to Nana's grave.  The kids love running around there and I love driving out there to sit on the bench next to her grave. I know she's not really there.  She's in the most amazing place and she's in my heart and her memories fill my head.  I can see her face daily.  Thankful for that and thankful I can see her in my kids.

Callie girl, you are "fearfully and wonderfully made!" Psalm 139:14

Cooper, "For I know the plans I have declares the Lord, plan's to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Crosby, "we have received from His fullness grace upon grace" John 1:16

Clayton, "may you have the power to comprehend how wide, how long, how high, and how deep is His love for you" Ephesians 3:18

This picture was taken the day Mom went to be with Jesus.  The pictures I have of these two playing that day are priceless.  So much joy on such an incredibly hard day.  I see the joy of the Lord everyday through my kids.  No matter what is going on, they keep it simple and beautiful.  Yes, we all have our overwhelming moments as parents, but just sit and listen to these little ones.  Sometimes, they make no sense and just like to say "poopy," but sometimes what they say is incredible!  

Callie and Cooper running home after the bus dropped Callie off.  The highlight of Cooper's day is going to the bus stop with Callie. He misses her while she's at school. 

And the reality of trying to get a good Christmas photo of four kids ^^

It's a Christmas miracle!  We can see all of their faces!

With four kids, there is never a dull moment.

Callie learned to tie her shoes!  I am so proud of her!

Cooper, aka Spiderman, has his Daddy's eyes.

Oh Crosby, you are a hot mess like your momma! 

Callie and Cooper won fish at the fair this past summer! They were so excited to bring "Fishy-Nemo and Lizza" home!

I will end this post with a story about "Fishy-Nemo and Lizza" and Jesus.  These fish were so fun the week we had them.  Mike and I knew they probably wouldn't last long because Fishy-Nemo started acting, well, a little fishy.  Cooper was pretty upset when he woke one day and Fishy-Nemo had gone to fishy heaven.  He quickly got over it and we took care of Lizza. Mike and I knew she wasn't far behind Fishy-Nemo because she started acting fishy soon after.  I don't know what it was but I just dreaded the day we would have to tell Callie that Lizza had gone to fishy heaven  I was thinking about how we would tell her and how she would react and I was so sad.  I was thinking about death and how do you explain that to a 5 year old?  Then I began to remember the moments before my own mother went to heaven in that very same house.  I still couldn't understand it all. Why was Lizza being taken away as well??  Come on God!  How do I explain or even understand another precious living thing being taken away?!  How do I explain it to my precious baby girl?  I couldn't even come out of my room the next morning we found Lizza had gone to fishy heaven.  So thankful Mike can step up and go to those painful places that I can't just yet.  He waited for Callie to wake up.  She came downstairs and Mike told her.  I came out of our room and it really hadn't been that big of a deal to my surprise.  We asked her how she was feeling about it.  We didn't know if she was upset or what.  It was kind of hard to read what she was feeling.  She calmly explained that she saw Lizza before she went to bed.  She knew Jesus was taking her to fishy heaven before she closed her eyes.  She knew when she came downstairs that morning.  That's how good God is!  He took such a painful experience for me and for her and took the sting out of it.  He knew I couldn't explain that to her.  He knew I wasn't in a place to understand it.  He knew I was still deeply mourning the loss of a loved one so he just took it and explained it to her before she shut her eyes the night before Lizza went to fishy heaven.  Thank you Lord for looking after my four precious children.  I pray that they know you, that they feel you near everyday of their lives.  I pray that Mike and I show them how much we love them and how much YOU love them.

Mom, I think about you daily and I know friends and family who read this will have memories in their hearts and minds of you as well.  I am thankful that you loved me unconditionally.  It wasn't always pretty and I did some crazy stuff but you loved me every step of the way.  You never turned your back on me.  Through you, I saw God.  I saw His love.  And I am so grateful He chose you to be my mom.  I pray that the Lord keeps guiding me throughout our parenthood journey and that no matter what, our kids know how much they are loved!  As our awesome friend Jason Swain says, "Loved people love people. Changed people change people."  I love that!  We feel called to a ministry to share the love of Jesus with other families who are being affected by cancer. Please check out our website for our nonprofit, Waves of Grace or like our Facebook page.