Hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day! Seeing all of the Mother's Day posts today on facebook and other social media made me miss being able to spend the day with my mom. All the pictures of everyone with their moms were beautiful. I always knew I got a good one. She was always so much fun. She loved me no matter what. She was such a sweet Nana to my kids. I was never really sure what I wanted to do with my life but I knew one thing, I wanted to be a mom. And a mom I became to these four beautiful faces.
I remember the day my Callie was born like it was yesterday. I can't believe she just turned 6. I thought my heart was going to shatter into a thousand pieces when she got on the bus for her first day of kindergarten. She's beautiful, smart, moving up in gymnastics, and she's the best big sister to her 3 little brothers. She made me a mommy.
My boys are growing so fast! They are so handsome and so sweet. Cooper is my sensitive one. He is very much in touch with his emotions. Love that he shares his feelings with us. He looks just like his daddy. He's four and already reading. He's trying to keep up with Callie and always asks to do homework when she has to do hers. It's true that every child is different and parenting one child can be way different than parenting another. I've had to step it up a bit with wild man Crosby. He has kept us on our toes. He doesn't stop talking from the time he wakes up till naptime and then bedtime. He's full of fun and loves to draw on everything with sharpies. Spitting is his new favorite thing to do. Baby Clay is at the age where I just want to freeze time. He's got the cutest curls and rolls. He loves to eat. He's always smiling. I could just eat him up he's so sweet.
Having four kids has been a dream. We are always busy, our house is a mess, we barely have time to shower, but we wouldn't have it any other way. We were pretty sure we were done having kids. I mean four kids is alot. People think we are crazy. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I am crazy. I love life, I love kids, I love my husband, and I love being a mom. There are moments when we feel really exhausted. But more than those moments are moments of pure joy raising kids with the one you've dreamed of. When I look at these four faces, I see my love. I see Mike's face. I see a piece of his personality in each of them. How could I not want more kids with this man? It's Mother's Day, but he's the one who gave me what I've dreamed of doing my whole life, being a mom.
Mike and I were shocked to find out we would welcome baby #5 in November 2015. We were always open to more kids, but not quite this soon. We felt overwhelmed with the news but that didn't last long. We became so excited about our growing family! I continued to train for the half marathon with Waves of Grace. Not many people knew. I was planning on telling my friends and family the weekend of the race or this weekend. We lost our baby a week and a half ago. I knew the week before the race that there was no heartbeat. We were devastated but holding onto hope that maybe my dates were off, etc. Follow up ultrasound - no heartbeat. I actually felt labor and miscarried at the ER because of complications. The only time I've ever felt this much pain and grief was after mom passed away. My heart goes out to everyone who's lost a baby whether it was during pregnancy or at any age after birth. I cannot imagine how much that hurts so deep. Our baby was only 10 weeks when we lost it but I was already so in love with him/her. From the moment I found out we were pregnant, I fell madly in love with our baby in my belly. The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I find myself asking why but am always pointed back to Jesus somehow. When I try to figure it out, when I stare at my circumstance, I get angry, confused, and sad. I can't wrap my head around it. But when I look at Jesus, I know that no part of losing my baby was from Him, He loves me, and that wasn't His plan for my baby. We don't know why it happened. The only thing that makes sense in any of it is Him, the Constant One.
https://youtu.be/R0-7yOE8IjM
I am confident I will be reunited with mom and my baby in heaven one day. I imagine that mom would be standing there with my child and that he or she would look just like Mike. What a beautiful picture of heaven!
My Mother's Day was spent with my kids and Mike's family. We also attended a funeral of a dear friend of the family who loved Mom and loved the beach. I've been busy working out details for a family of 7 that needs a vacation sooner than later. Time is key. They will be headed to Orange Beach, AL May 15th in the same building Waves of Grace was started. Grateful my Mom still gives to others through this ministry. I'd love to say it was my idea. It's not. Thank you Jesus.
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